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Joke of the Day

"whats a ghost's favorite fruit? booberries!"

"KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad...may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad...may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?"

"What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler! ^^^... ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway"

"A math joke told to me by another redditor... So... What did the integral say to the equation? ""I don't even..."""

"Thinking about having kids? Buy a plant. If you can keep it alive for 18 years, hopefully you're too old to have kids by then."

"The new strip club's sign said 'open to the public'. Until my friends stole the L."

"here's a cool tip for beating the heat this summer: don't go outside ever there's guys who will bring you pizza dumbass"

"Drunk. In Wal Mart. Fuck."

"She might be Satan, but if I'm going to hell, I want to be sleeping with the boss."

"[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?"