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Joke of the Day

"DOG: woof ME: you wanna go outside? DOG: [wagging tail] woof woof! ME: ok just a second DOG: [pulls a gun] woof [gestures to door] woof"

"I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car."

"A blonde joins a Mexican cartel The cartel sends her to Colombia to get coke and she brings Pepsi."

"H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am."

"""What a nut job"" I exclaimed, on my first day as President of Almonds"

"I went to therapy because of all the years I've been putting Chef Boyardee inside of me... I finally admitted how much he's been sodium-izing me."

"Never try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."

"What do you call a kind rock Gneiss"

"I'm DJ Con$tapation I don't give a shit."

"What you get if you cross an r/jokes redditor with an author of books about the past? History repeating itself."