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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke"

"Sometimes i think my life sucks. Then i look at the lives of others. Then it hits me. My life does suck!!"

"A woman goes to the doctor with a nail in her ear 'What's the matter?' asks the doctor. 'I'm listening to metal.' she answers."

"I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone."

"Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year The first Apple product that doesn't suck (not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)"

"If cars where fueled by bullshit most of your tanks would always be full."

"What does a raven bring on an airplane? A carri-on bag"

"A joke about Germans - I m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground? A: Because deep down they are really nice."

"I've gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn't gonna get arrested all by itself."

"9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 100 are geting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there mate"