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Joke of the Day

"Friend: Dude, you need to get into her pants. Me: [imagining how soft her leggings would feel over my thighs] YES"

"Accidentally fell asleep at my grandmas funeral Wouldn't you know, I woke up with mourningwood."

"Jokes about German sausages... ...are the Wurst"

"What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch? Namaste"

"Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!"

"If stupidity was a crime... Sarah Palin would be public enemy #1"

"In biology they ask us what we find in cells Apparently black people wasn't the right answer. I'll see myself out."

"How to give your woman 12 inches and make her bleed. Bang her twice and punch her in the mouth."

"When they buried the man who invented Tetris the whole cemetry disappeared."

"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about."