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Joke of the Day

"Are you feeling cold right now? Just stand in the corner to warm up, they are usually 90 degrees."

"Why couldn't the drummer make it to the show? He locked the bass player in the car."

"While commemorating my father's various physical feats, one friend asked if he was ""shredded"". He was cremated. :("

"A nicer way to call someone who was born through Incest ""Purebred"""

"Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? The bottle of shampoo said, ""Lather, Rinse, Repeat."""

"Now that it is 2015 we should all really be on the lookout for Marty Mcfly. If it is only to forewarn him to invest heavily in Parkinsons research on his return to 1985."

"A Roman walks into a bar... ...holds up two fingers and says, ""Five beers please""."

"I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE."

"wife: ""remember when i said you were too friendly all the time?"" me: [making cup of tea] ""no im not"" burglar: ""two sugars please"""

"So I found out today that my diarrhea is hereditary It runs in my jeans Credit to /u/jdabarber"