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Joke of the Day

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Is a terrible thing to say to someone with a muscle eating disease."

"""Why can't anything be easy?!?"" I moaned as my real-time handheld connection to all the world's information briefly ran slower than usual."

"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator"

"I've heard rumors that desperate prostitutes use Crest Toothpaste to reduce cavities."

"Ever hear the story of the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He would lay awake at night worried about the existence of dog."

"Every morning you have two choices: be productive and really shine, OR pour some coffee, log in and start posting. Hello, darlings."

"I only accept chocolate chip cookie bribes, THE SOFT ONES CHRISTY, NOT THE GARBAGE YOU GAVE ME."

"My girlfriend asked me to act like an animal in bed. So I peed on the pillow."

"I had heard the rumors of clowns being spotted all over the country... But I honestly didn't believe it until I saw them debate each other on TV."

"I went to get myself a glass of punch but..."