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Joke of the Day

"I'm shocked... Turns out toasters aren't waterproof."

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"What was Han Solo's reaction to being taken to the carbon-freezing chamber? He was petrified."

"Whatever doesn't kill you TRIED TO KILL YOU!"

"Wife was in ICU Doctor: She is in a coma. Husband: Please save her. She's just 30. *Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled... And she spoke: I'm 29"

"What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop? A Pencil cause he's full of lead!"

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb None, they just beat the room for being black."

"What does a cow measure its harddrive in? Moogabytes"

"The cashier at McDonald's was more than happy to warm up some Diet Coke for my baby's bottle."

"Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!"