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Joke of the Day

"What did the bear say after eating the doctor? I feel M.D. inside."

"Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes."

"Well I guess it's time we change Philip Seymour Hoffman's name to Philip Seeyanomour Hoffman!"

"What has no eyes and four legs? No idea."

"Hey brotherrrr (by Avicii) There's an endless road to be disMOTHERed! Lmao"

"I have Electile Dysfunction Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2016 election year."

"ME: Onions make me cry. HER: It's from a compound called Syn-Propanethial-S-Oxide. ME: I think it's probably cuz an onion killed my parents."

"Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous."

"Irony It's ironic how upset people get over people incorrectly using the word 'ironic'."

"What do you call a muslim who graduated? Allah-mni!"