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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to get a Papa John's slice this weekend, but my girlfriend wouldn't want to go there So I referred to it at PJ's and she was all about it until we arrived. Got my slice though."

"People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist..."

"What do you call a woman with an opinion? Wrong"

"Take something someone says, then perceive it in every terrible way imaginable POOF you're a woman."

"If JFK could see the state of this country... It would blow his mind."

"What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use? AAA"

"People with amblyopia don't have a lazy eye... they have an eye with ADHD."

"My previous relationship was like a presidential term. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office!"

"New lesbian species of dinosaur discovered. Lickalottapus."

"I went to a restaurant that serves ""breakfast at any time."" So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."