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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot."

"My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one."

"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?"

"There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango"

"I'm good at 2 things: interviews and first dates... Turns out they're a bit alike. One gets me a job that blows, the other gets me a blowjob."

"Q: What did the blind blonde say as she was making love with her new boyfriend? A: ""Funny you don't feel Jewish."""

"So what if I don't have a perfect body?! I'm way better off than I was when I started. Ya know, a baby that used to shit his pants. I do that way less now."

"Hey does anyone know how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism?"

"Have you seen The Dark Knight Rises yet? I hear it's killer."

"I know one more duck joke! Santa Clause to the snow man: give me the carrot or I am going to blow dry you! (Ok, this one doesn't work in english)"