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Joke of the Day

"Best of luck to Steven Gerrard, who's retired from not winning the World Cup to concentrate on not winning the Premier League."

"If eye-rolling burned calories, women would never have to diet."

"What were the last words Jimi Hendrix said before he died? *S'cuse me, while I kiss the sky...*"

"So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven't suffered enough."

"How can you tell that your waitress is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil."

"What country has the highest concentration of pool players? Irack."

"I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar... If he was a Polar bear"

"Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain."

"Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency? The SWAT team"

"Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'."