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Joke of the Day
"I got my girlfriend the perfect Valentine's Day present today. Hand lotion."
Next Joke
"The knowledge that Jersey Shore is known as ""Macaroni Rascals"" in Japan may just be the most important of my lifetime."
"Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am"
"What kinda pet would John Wayne get?... He'd get a long little doggie."
"I borrowed $500 from a co-worker then paid a homeless guy $8 to kill him in a McDonald's bathroom. I'm up $405 or whatever."
"What do you call a gay cripple? Tomato."
"What did Groot say when he had amnesia? Am I Groot? (Credit to my 7year old son)"
"Wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning... I refused."
"Trump is like a racehorse.... If it aint running, it's just an ass."
"Guess who I bumped into today at the opticians? Everyone."