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Joke of the Day

"I need a joke for a medical residency interview! Halp!"

"At this point, the only reason I still get The New Yorker is to impress my mailman."

"I'm going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I'm purchasing."

"Q: What insect is good at math? A: An account-ant."

"ME: You bring that cash you owe me? ELEPHANT: Oh, sorry man, I forgot. ME: No you didn't."

"You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you're sleeping with."

"Say what you will about old people but I respect that they never talked about their feelings"

"I feel so bad when I see a woman wearing a shirt that says GAP on it. (OC) I want tell them, ""You're so much more than that!"""

"You haven't texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok?"

"Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no."