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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a black guy and a white guy that sells drugs? One's a pharmacist and the other's a drug dealer."

"""Let the chips fall where they may."" -My kids when they're eating chips on the couch."

"If you say a number loud enough its value increases. * 5 = 5 * 5! = 120"

"What do you pasta with a witty comeback? Retortellini."

"Scissors Commercial: *Montage of people karate chopping paper in half* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better... Nevermind that was rad"

"I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake."

"How long is a pedicure? 2 feet."

"A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, ""Five beers please."""

"Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?"

"What do you call someone who sells their butthole for sex? Prostatute"