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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about all the decapitations happening in the Middle East right now? I certainty won't beheading their anytime soon! -wink-"

"Three-legged dog A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and says to the bartender, ""I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."""

"Please, call me Seahorse. Mr. Seahorse was my mother."

"Why was the belt locked up? Because it held a pair of pants."

"I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good."

"If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work."

"I identify as an employee wherever I go. Now I can use any bathroom I need to."

"11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ..."

"I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment."

"Terrible news. The guy who created AMC cinema's has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2:30, 5:20 and 7:45."