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Joke of the Day

"When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff."

"Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards... ...creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?"

"Don't be a doormat, be an electric fence."

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged. Credit to my house-mate for this gem!"

"It's never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it's too late."

"The Revenant: How do you call a scalped Leonardo DiCaprio? Leonardo DiCabrio"

"I'm stuck in Christmas mass right now and I need some nsfw religious jokes about Christianity in order to make my dad crack. Have any? Help me, I got dragged to this as vice and now we need jokes."

"I couldn't afford a vanity license plate, so I named my dog 956 XDM."

"Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said ""Hell I'm no actor and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"""

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran."