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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a butt inspection by ISIS? Anal-isis."

"me: how was your camping trip 5 y/o: good me: what'd you guys do 5 y/o: camped"

"CAPS LOCK. BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH THE FURY!"

"I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink."

"An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant. ""Well sir"" replied the villager ""we ain't got one now. He died last week."""

"What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch. I'll show myself out now"

"Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like ""is this about me?"" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like ""is that about me?"""

"I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, ""I'm crap at fishing and need some tips"". The man said, ""Okay, can you hold the line?"" I said, ""No""."

"Life is all about perspective... The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common? They both love to crack open a cold one."