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Joke of the Day

"How are martinis like breasts? They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many."

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"I really didn't like how I look after I shaved off my beard... ...but now it is starting to grow on me."
"if you eat your burrito over a tortilla, anything that falls out will simply start building your next burrito"
"What do drunk female pirates like to give up? DA BOOTY!"
"Q. What's brown and sticky? A. A stick!"
"Well if there's one thing we can all agree on regarding tomorrow's inauguration ... Orange is the new Black"
"I was gonna make a gay joke.. ...butt fuck it."
"I saw a fight in the chip shop the other day... Two fish got battered."
"Does Facebook have a ""You're not smart enough to be talking about politics"" button?"
"what did the leper say to the hooker Keep the tip."