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Joke of the Day

"Today my wife asked, ""would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"" Turns out ""Yes I do"" was not the right answer."

"What kind of rice puts you to sleep? Ray Rice"

"What's Dale Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album? Dark side of the moon. You sick bastard."

"[Testing Cat-Human Translator] Scientist: Cat, what is your name? Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER Owner: It's not working. His name is Socks."

"So Oscar Pistorious was sentenced to 5 years of prison. In my opinion, his excuse was lame. I don't think he had a leg to stand on."

"I like my rhinos like I like my eggs poached"

"Why was the man allergic to Christmas? Because it's the reason for the sneason."

"At The Olympics At the Olympics, a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. ""Are you a pole vaulter?"" ""No, I'm German. How did you know my name is Walter?"""

"Two fish are swimming in a tank... one looks at the other and says, ""You know how to drive this thing?"""

"Two antennas met on a roof... After a while they fell in love and in a few years time the antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!"