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Joke of the Day

"[Testing Cat-Human Translator] Scientist: Cat, what is your name? Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER Owner: It's not working. His name is Socks."

"It seems that all my cans of whoop-ass are expired."

"What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm? Take me to your breeder !"

"How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?"

"What's worse than fighting an uphill battle? Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there."

"Why doesn't Fleetwood Mac shave? Because Stevie Nicks."

"What do you call a penis potato? A dictator!"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Black. Bitter. And preferably farmed by African slaves"

"Like it or not... That's how Facebook works."

"Sex with my boyfriend is like Ebay's customer support. I keep hearing please wait one more minute, and I just want the whole thing to be over with."