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Joke of the Day

"Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight when you try to pick them up and get them in your car."

"Daughter: Dad, can I have some Kit Kat for my snack tonight? Me: Absolutely not D: Why? M: Because I said so D: Because you ate them? M: Yes"

"If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65 feet away from you. Science."

"When life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."

"If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world."

"[NSFW] What do woman and airplanes have in common? They both have cockpits."

"An upvote is like a minute of sex. I'd like 1000, but I can only muster 5."

"I'm having an increasing fear of New Year songs. Must be Ole Langxiety."

"At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52"""

"What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."