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Joke of the Day

"Despite being a longtime single dude, I just *know* that legions of ladies want my body. I've got the figure of a Maxim cover girl."

"My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on Facebook who are about to pretend to like me."

"I think my brother is addicted to huffing paint. It's written all over his face."

"Me: Every beautiful girl has an ugly friend Girl: That's why my friend is ugly Me: I see. You are just a pair of ugly girls"

"What do you call gingers in Auschwitz? Concentrated Orange Jews"

"Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?"

"Two pretzels were walking down the street... And one was a-salted."

"What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained? Please! I in cyst!"

"My friend's father is a Jew.... which makes him Jew-ish."

"You hear about those robbers who steal shoes for fun? It's how they get their kicks."