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Joke of the Day

"1 in 5 Americans with a Twitter account complain about his/her damn stupid job every fucking Monday."

"I just borrowed $10,000 from my mom to place a bet at a casino here in Vegas. Tiger Woods better win the Super Bowl this year."

"I was just knocked off my bike by a stationary truck. The driver gave me a couple of sketch pads and some really cool pens to apologise."

"What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference)."

"if i opened my Gryffindor Would you Slytherin?"

"Staying Positive Who needs anti depressants when you have a Van Der Graaf Generator"

"A man's Wife says that she wants something that goes from 0-180 in under 10 seconds.. The man leaves for a moment and then returns with the scale from their bathroom."

"Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny? Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other."

"A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate ?' 'No it's velvet !'"

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? DAMN! My friend told me this the other day not sure where it came from but I laughed "