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Joke of the Day

"If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often."

"What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society? Sieze the day"

"TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays."

"What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme!"

"I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together."

"Why do they build fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in"

"I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses She said ""So are you"""

"Did you hear about the ex-porn star who got fired from the gas station? Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car."

"Now where do you get off >:( I'm the bus driver, I need to know"

"Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other 'I don't like your friend.' The other one replied 'Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.'"