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Joke of the Day

"""You only paid for one bus fare, ma'am. I don't see how it's fair for you to take two seats just because you love pizza and cake."""

"Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]"

"My friend once said, ""If I wasn't making cocktails, I'd be a criminal."" Now he's behind bars."

"This year's election is a joke. I for one, find it Hillary-ous."

"Feminists are basically Lesbians who don't want to admit it."

"BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle... Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz."

"Why do hipsters only buy games from GOG? Because other stores are too mainSteam."

"What do you call a guy with eight dicks? A coctopus"

"I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck criminals."

"I had explosive diarrhea On the bight side i started the year with a bang"