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Joke of the Day

"Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling? I could see myself doing that."

"I was on a date other day when the girl said she wanted to start a long distance relationship using semaphore. Raised a couple of red flags..."

"A black lesbian, an obese white neck-beard, and an Indian comic walk into a bar. What do you get? A Netflix original series!"

"When I open the Sriracha and a bunch squirts out on its own I tell it that it's okay, it happens to a lot of hot sauces."

"Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?"

"If people from Poland are called ""Poles""... ...why aren't people from Holland called ""Holes""?"

"Have you found them? ""Not yet, sir."" THEY'RE MUTANT TURTLES THAT DO KARATE. HOW HARD COULD IT BE? ""They wear tiny masks, sir."""

"SURVIVAL TIP If a gummy bear is chasing you, curl up like a ball and pretend you're stoned"

"[At the Rumble] her *aggressively taking off earrings and heels* me *desperately trying to find somewhere to set down my ice cream cone*"

"There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."