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Joke of the Day

"Shocking that people who've been physically assaulting each other for 3 hours would lose their tempers."

"NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE Waiter: ahem *points to sign* Me: oh that's fine, I'm not ordering anything"

"What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine? Do we have any papal towels?"

"Teacher With student.. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."

"Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E."

"Elon Musk must smell pretty good."

"Some day I have a victim mentality But it's not my fault"

"Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that."

"I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels"

"So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons."