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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry that I'll never be as fun in person as I am in drunk texts."

"Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing"

"What's the difference between the US Election and sex? In sex it's fun to choose between a cunt and an asshole."

"The person who owns Hovis is from my local area. Born and bred."

"Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday"

"Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I'm married to her and I don't even have a chance."

"What is a dog's favorite camp sport? Woofleball"

"What do you say to pasta that gets thrown out? Hasta la pasta baby."

"FRIENDS reunion (2016) RACHEL: [texting from bar] sry smthg came up CHANDLER: [texting from home] same... work JOEY: [in LA] wait THIS friday?"

"I saw my calculator hitting on someone the other day. He's a real casionova"