164629

Joke of the Day

"The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him."

"Can't afford to get my newspaper delivered by iPad. What is that? $500 every morning?"

"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and agnostic? Someone who stays up wondering if there is a dog."

"I was catfished once For thirty years Pluto had me convinced he was a planet..."

"It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up."

"Give a man a fish... And, apparently, you're a shitty secret Santa."

"I'm not saying don't trust the internet but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I've won & the number of ipads I own."

"Someone asked me why my ringtone is the ""Like a G6."" Up until now I thought it was ""Like a cheese stick."""

"So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance.. So I pushed her over"

"Captain America outsources much of his crime fighting to Captain India."