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Joke of the Day

"The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him."

"*locks doors and rolls window down almost a quarter of the way* ""you fellas mind not skateboarding so close to my driveway"""

"Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*"

"(prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?"

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."

"I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary."

"What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot."

"Why do gay guys like rotisserie chicken? They like the way the meat spins"

"A Jewish boy walks up to his dad... A Jewish boy walks up to his dad and says ""hey dad! Can I borrow fifty dollars? His dad says ""forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""

"The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels."