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Joke of the Day

"Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!"

"Can you spell very happy with three letters? XTC (ecstasy)."

"Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then you'd have to call them bagels."

"Why did the astronomer break up with his girlfriend? He just needed some space."

"What did the cat use to sharpen its claws? Me. Ow."

"Ironic... is having a coke machine reject your dollar bill for it being rolled up to many times."

"Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize? Because it's a ""no bell"" prize."

"All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign."

"What's the difference between a singing bird and a bad prostitute? One's a happy crow."

"Open heart surgery? No, just rip it out."