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Joke of the Day

"Open heart surgery? No, just rip it out."

"To the guy that invented the number ""zero""... thanks for nothing."

"Me: Hey, look, I can't stay long, I've got a cab downstairs. Her: You took a cab? Me: I'm gonna give it back!"

"""I'm very sorry, but you will die soon"", said the doctor ""How soon?"", the frail man asked, his body trembling at every word. ""In ten."" ""Ten what? Ten years? Ten-"" ""Nine."" ""Eight."""

"How many moderators does it take to change a lightbulb? [deleted]"

"""Special today! Jokes, half off!"" ""I'll take one."" ""Why did the chicken cross the road?"" ""I don't know, why?"" ""Sorry, that's all you get."""

"My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant. Me: It's really not that bad"

"You can't live on Cheetos and Oreos alone. But God knows I've tried."

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want"

"It's amazing that no one at this swim up bar has had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours."