164481

Joke of the Day

"[sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] ""Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."""

"Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?"

"Son - ""Mom, don't get scared but I'm calling you from the hospital..."" Mom - ""Son you've been a doctor for 4 years, and you still go on with that shit."""

"My cousin was hospitalized for 3 months after a freak accident at a spaghetti factory.. Unfortunately, he pasta way"

"My girlfriend just broke up with me, mainly because of my extreme Burger King addiction. So I said to her ""Fine, have it your way."""

"So the past, the present and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"What does music have to do with safety? If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat."

"Eagles Guitarist Glenn Frey died today at the age of 67... There goes all my hopes and dreams for their reunion tour: ""Bald Eagles"""

"So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil... But nevermind, it's pointless."