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Joke of the Day

"My cousin was hospitalized for 3 months after a freak accident at a spaghetti factory.. Unfortunately, he pasta way"

"I had a race with an Asian today It was a Thai"

"Just removed my bra, whipped it around my head, and tried to toss it away, but a hook got caught in my hair. Available for bachelor parties."

"I have sex almost every day. Today I almost had sex, yesterday I almost had sex..."

"What did Kobe Bryant's teamates say to him while he was scoring 81 points? ""I'M FUCKING OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"""

"If corporations are people then that's really gross because we walk inside of them all the time."

"[pitch meeting] Okay so it's a ton of dogs. Dalmatians. 100 of 'em. I call it ""100 Dalmatians."" [idea man pipes in] Let's think bigger"

"One time I shot a gun... And the gun died!"

"Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I'm like HOLY CRAP I'M OUTSIDE."

"What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!"