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Joke of the Day

"captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna 1st mate: dont you mean sonar captain (already in towel): full steam ahead"

"I like my Jews like I like my juice. Concentrated."

"My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring"

"Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelvehardened criminals escaped."

"I like my women like I like my computer Turned on On my lap And virus free"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later"

"I was going to make a joke about blind people but I do not want to offend anyone on reddit."

"One day my GPS is gonna say, ""You should know this one by now"" and shut off."

"Why is Jesus terrible in bed? Because it takes three days for him to rise again, and two thousand years to come twice."

"Black Super Mario *Jumps on mushroom* *Throws fireball at turtle* *Slides down sewer pipe* *Arrested for assault, arson, and trespass*"