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Joke of the Day

"What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church? A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology."

"Nana's house is getting real bad, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting another dead cat."

"[Sex Shop] Worker: can I help you? Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please"

"what's the difference between an old greyhound bus terminal and a lobster with 36B breasts? one's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean"

"Don't cry over spilled milk. And broken eggs. And a violated ham. And-FINE, I'LL LEAVE. This isn't the only grocery store in town, you know."

"What's the best thing about dating a black girl? You'd never have to meet the father."

"Our 2-year-old is entertaining everyone at the restaurant by screeching like a seagull every fifteen seconds."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile Which is a pretty big word for a 9 year old"

"Wanna hear a joke you don't tell an orphan? Knock knock. Who's there? Not your family."

"Can you spell soft and slow with two letters? EZ."