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Joke of the Day

"[Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next..."

"anyone hear about this gravity discovery proving einsteins theory correct? I hear its really making a wave"

"What type of fruit do twins prefer? Pears."

"saw a chameleon today So it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon"

"I made a belt, entirely composed of watches It was a waist of time"

"Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Yeah, if he's a billionaire to begin with.."

"Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back."

"Please help reconstruct this joke ... The punchline is ""Well, there's cus-turd, and there's mus-turd, and there's you, ya big shit! Run, Myrtle, run!"""

"[speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes."

"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."