63980
Joke of the Day
"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."
Next Joke
"Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did"
"No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life."
"I'm tired of writing ""Sent from my iPhone"" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone"
"My wife told me, ""I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me."" I said, ""You have perfect eyesight."""
"Why couldn't the melons secretly get married? Because they were cant elopes"
"Was the discovery of a new planet an accident? or did they planet"
"[Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: ""Hell yeah"" Friend: ""Hell yeah"" Pizza: ""Oh hell yeah"""
"Ok No Loitering sign, let's get one thing straight: the type of people who loiter are not the type of people who know what loitering means."
"How many prostitutes does it take to screw in a light bulb? I have no idea. I did hire four prostitutes once, but we did other stuff."