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Joke of the Day

"I wouldn't mind being catcalled if it were useful: ""Hey baby, boot sale at Macy's!"" or, ""Line's shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!"""

"Breaking News: Reliable sources reveal that Donald Trump is actually Cthulu. The absurd hairdo isn't absurd at all. It hides the tentacles."

"What did the baby computer call his dad? Data!"

"I just saved a bunch of money by shopping online with other people's credit card numbers."

"Hey baby, if I supply the voltage and you some resistance, imagine the current we can make together."

"[annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?"

"Trying not to take my dog's sighing personally."

"1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a woman 'what's wrong?'"

"When you wish upon a star, planets are being scorched and destroyed billions of miles away but that's okay because YOU'RE IMPORTANT."

"Today I've decided to rename things in the office to start with ""i"" like Apple. There's iStapler, iPostitnotes, iWishitwasfriday..."