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Joke of the Day
"Ok, I have two short jokes and one long joke... Joke joke jooooooooooooooooooooooooke!"
Next Joke
"After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t."
"The first rule of laziness is"
"POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR! What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station staring at a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]"
"My friend just posted this on Facebook. He'll make a classic dad one day. I remember 2013 like it was yesterday OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT!"
"I think the scariest Halloween decorations I've seen this year have to be All the little blue signs that say Trump-Pence on them"
"Me: I think the coolest sport is horse golf Guy: do you mean polo? Me: [realizing he isn't classy enough to know about horse golf] yes"
"What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve."
"Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex."
"Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts."