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Joke of the Day

"Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I'll play mine"

"I keep my friends close *lean in, whisper* and my anemones closer ""Sir thats very fun but aquarium policy forbids sitting in the touch tank"""

"(Anxiety/Depression joke) I'm always exhausted... except for my nervous energy."

"TIL the tooth brush was invented in Arkansas. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called the teeth brush."

"Vintage Joke: What's yellow and writes? A ball point banana!"

"I've always thought I'm pretty hot Probably has something to do with my Dad always calling me sun"

"What's the best rock to sleep on? bed rock"

"Giving your kid a recorder and telling him to go home and practice is how teachers get revenge on society for paying them so poorly."

"Hear about the new gay sitcom? ""Leave it, it's Beaver."" "

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog."