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Joke of the Day

"I think about other women when I'm having sex with my wife. But I always think about her when I'm having sex with other women."

"Atheists are Popeless romantics."

"Old Mr. Rosen goes to the Doctor Doctor: Mr. Rosen, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating. Mr. Rosen: Why? Doctor: So I can examine you."

"Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact."

"I'm not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be tit shaped."

"Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this."

"What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously? Silly-con!"

"Some lady on The Price is Right just won a brand new 2016 Epi-Pen."

"Why did the Double A battery die after 5 years? It has two lower case a's"

"One hundred bacteria walk into a bar... of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor."