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Joke of the Day

"Old Mr. Rosen goes to the Doctor Doctor: Mr. Rosen, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating. Mr. Rosen: Why? Doctor: So I can examine you."

"Why can't youplay UNO with Mexicans? Because they'll take all of your green cards."

"What's the difference between a bad sharpshooter and a constipated owl? One shoots, but can't hit. The other hoots, but can't shit."

"A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar Guy: You're the most average girl out here. Girl: Hey, you're mean! Guy: No, you are."

"""I have to take a shit, play Stairway To Heaven."" - Radio DJ's"

"What do you call it when two hobbits are involved in a footrace that is too close to call A Frodo-finish"

"They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him. You could say he was really nailing it."

"GOD: let's make an armored raccoon that turns into a bowling ball ANGEL: but why wou- GOD: and we'll call it an armadillo for some reason"

"Don't regret past mistakes. All of your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today. Disregard this if you are in prison."

"What is the most popular brand of Indian vodka? Patel One."