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Joke of the Day

"I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays."

"[Gets shot by mugger] Girl walks by: omg are u ok? I'm dying [sees she isn't wearing a ring] I mean I'm fine but not as fine as you, sup?"

"When I die I really hope that as a ghost I can travel and not be stuck in one place. I have people to scare and some I want to see naked."

"What's the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home."

"Jesus walks into a bar ""Just 12 waters please"", while winking at his disciples."

"I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself."

"Where do otters come from? Otter Space!"

"On Jeopardy This is the largest mammal in the animal kingdom. *leans into mic* ""Who is, your mother?"""

"Uber driver told me he's an actor & has been nailing all of his auditions & is up for a big role I was like cool you're going the wrong way"

"A blind man walks into a bar ""Ouch!"""