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Joke of the Day

"Is it possible to divorce someone twice? Not re-marry and divorce again, but divorce twice so you're completely done. Like, extra divorced."

"Judge: Show us on this doll where the man hurt you. Me: He didn't. But watch this. [I make the doll do a backflip] Judge: Holy shit lol"

"If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy."

"My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, ""You saw the banana, right?"""

"What Is Brown and Rhymes With Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong but i say, whatever floats your goat"

"Why are refugees bad at math? They refuse to integrate."

"What's Tyrion Lannisters's favourite sea food? Shrimp."

"Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost"

"What do you use to transport pittas? A flatbread truck"