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Joke of the Day

"Local news is like Facebook. You get stories you don't care about, some jerk talks about weather and it all ends with pictures of animals doing funny stuff."

"After 20 years of marriage, the one thing that pisses off my wife ... of 6 years is that I keep a running total."

"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"

"There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c:"

"The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom... so now I cumin her every thyme."

"I wish there was some way to get rid of the stupid apple in this caramel apple."

"Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark sir."

"At an outdoorsy store a hunter asks an employee why anyone would want to buy camo longjohns The employee promptly replies, ""They'll never see you coming!"""

"I asked my dad who the favourite child was. ""Ask your brother,"" he replied. ""Where is he?"" I asked. He said, ""Buried in the garden."""

"When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly."