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Joke of the Day

"The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom... so now I cumin her every thyme."

"Knock-Knock... -Who's there? -Doctor. -Doctor Who? -No, bitch. Doctor House."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they were laced with but I have been tripping all day."

"What's the difference between a brick and an MRA? Bricks get laid."

"[God creating the octopus] Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag."

"I want to become an artist I heard there's a lot of monet in that business"

"What did the ceiling fan say? YEEEEAAAAH! GO CEILING! YOU NUMBER ONE BABY! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!"

"<-- Pops double collar and eats hamburger with a fork and knife"

"Why does my son deserve some Reddit Gold? Because he's Autistic."

"Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies."