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Joke of the Day

"There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c:"

"Where do sperm go to die when you jack off? The sementary."

"Furniture stores keep the guy who voices their commercials in a windowless room full of cocaine."

"I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor."

"Sign at restaurant reads: Eat here diet home"

"He's street smart. Sesame Street smart."

"I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta."

"Today I had a three way with two women It was quite the conference call."

"The only two things I hate are Racism and The Portuguese"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds funny, dozen tit"