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Joke of the Day

"After 20 years of marriage, the one thing that pisses off my wife ... of 6 years is that I keep a running total."

"I'm at that age where food makes me fat."

"I'm tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!"

"What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up."

"My son's joke he just told me. Knock knock. who's there ? Banana Banana who ? Eye ball... aren't you glad I didn't say orange? :s loool"

"Just checked FaceBook.. Apparently there are only 4 more days till the weekend.. I'll keep you posted if anything changes guys"

"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"

"Why didn't Jesus cross the road? Because you can't cross a road when your nailed to a cross"

"[Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless"

"There once was ... There once was a fellow named Wes, who tried to make his comments the best, although sometimes he missed, he never expected to get dissed, but some redditors downvoted nonetheless."