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Joke of the Day

"me: an open casket with my vape pen hanging from my mouth wedding DJ: i meant final requests for songs man"

"3 elephants jump out of a plane 2 hit the ground and 1 hit the water Bump bump shh"

"My girlfriend and I played footsie at the family table and I climaxed. Turns out it was her grandma. I guess I got off on the wrong foot."

"Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS"

"People are saying that the Kardashians think Khloe's new boyfriend doesn't love her. They think he's simply using her to be famous or as they put it, ""Welcome to the family."""

"A Irishman, Mick goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain... Doctor: ""Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"" Mick : ""Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"""

"Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, ""I don't know. I don't speak Chinese."" Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means."

"What Pokemon would you catch in Rio De Janeiro? Zikachu."

"What were the 2 doctors who worked with Schrodinger called? A *paradox.*"

"How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!"