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Joke of the Day

"Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, ""I don't know. I don't speak Chinese."" Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means."

"How do you stop rape? **NSFW** Consent."

"Ever read Helen Keller's book? No? Neither did she."

"Can't imagine what's it like to have no imagination."

"If you build a person a fire, they'll be warm for a day. Set them on fire & they'll never worry about being warm again."

"The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it's okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich"

"I'm Torn on the Issue of Abortion.... On one hand, I support it because it is killing babies. On the other hand, it gives women a choice. Credit goes where credit's due, /u/DJ-Salinger"

"What did the pony say to the doctor when he had a sore throat? I'm a little hoarse."

"The ""Selfie"" sorority girls Gave there tickets to the less fortunate...I'm my book that makes them charitable women and not very selfie at all"

"Whenever you find four Priests... you'll find a Fifth."